I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize