I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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