I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
