It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
