Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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