do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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