I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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