I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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