I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He has the fingertips of a God
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