I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
is it fun? or sober?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
