my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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