Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
