Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
