once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
