how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
