I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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