Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize