it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
