dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
