careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
