Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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