Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
