You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize