Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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