You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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