1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
