Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
