The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
