Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
