Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
