the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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