Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
