My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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