you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
