Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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