Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
