Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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