Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
