Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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