Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
