Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
