I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
