quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
