i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I met the friendliest cop last night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
