wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
