It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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