Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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