I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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