i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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