I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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