How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
