Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
