U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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