I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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