thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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