The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
