I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
