you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
