hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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