So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
