Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
