i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
