hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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