What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
