I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize