Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
