So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
bring money and cleavage
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
