Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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